A new week...........

Cold mornings, Hot days, Cool evenings.

Happy Fall!

Fall Renewal!

I'm eating really well during these two weeks & taking time off exercise. Refocusing my goals and taking care of myself.

I'm doing well most times. I'm looking forward to being closer to High Park beginning in November.

I've been hanging out with my friend Emma & we connect so well it's so exciting to spend time with her. I also like hearing about her relationships and insights in to spiritualism etc. This is the closest friend I've had since moving to TO & I can tell her anything and everything. I feel like I get to have a sister.

Next weekend I hope to go the water communion...

I want to take some dancing classes - I miss moving in that way on a regular basis. Free classes would be a good start :) Maybe I can create a solo class in my room!

In other news...my heart is temporarily singing the bruised blues.

Holding my breath!!!

so I applied to live in this house. I really hope I get it...I will find out this afternoon...

My heart

Today one of my friends wrote to me to tell me that I'm beautiful & that I have a great spirit and smile.

I am sort of swooning on cloud number nine because I feel very psychically connected to this friend even though we only talk or see one another once every four months. I can't explain the psychic connection, but I've felt it ever since we met, and I feel so blessed just to know someone like this exists. Like a parent, sibling or a guardian angel.

Like on Saturday when I was having a super low low moment and I opened my email and there was an email from my friend - after 4 months of no communication. The timing was amazing because all of a sudden, I felt alright and I knew the universe was telling me to hold on because there is so much beauty in the world and that everything's gonna be ok.

Thank you, A.D. for matching & mirroring me.

For S.D.M in BK: J'attends le Thai _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Torontonians Rule!

It's been almost a year of me in Canada!

Wow!

I have made a lot of progress. However, one could also say I have made no progress.

!!!

Good times.

Mostly chilling at the library these days.

High Park is AMAZING! It's the largest park in TO and I spent six hours in the park yesterday. I was practicing Thai massage on one of my friends. It was an amazing time. She's really awesome and it's great to really click with someone on so many levels. I'm blessed to have a friend like this.

Malcom Gladwell... rocks!

I just finished reading Outliers and I am blown away. It is sooo wonderful to read something written by Malcolm who things outside the box and is an amazing researcher & writer.

I find it so refreshing to read or hear ideas that question some of the things that most people regard as fact.

I think Malcolm Shumba is a beautiful name for a boy child.

Outlier made me think about things I haven't thought about in a while. I could talk for days about those things... Outlier sparked thoughts to do with nationality, US immigration laws etc. One of the things that has been most difficult for me living in North America is not having my family around. In 2003 I went through a really difficult transitional period and I just needed my mom & dad to be there. I used to wish they could have come to my graduation and held my hand and told me to come home for a year while I figure out my life, or loan me money while I was jobless. However, I had no choice but to push through and do what had to be done. Which we all do. But I felt like that struggle was unnecessary, you know - community & love seemed somehow lacking in the way that my parents could provide.

Gladwell's book talks about how success is a combination of hard work, persistence, but also strongly related to our origins, accumulative advantages, how we are parented, our year of birth etc.

Returning to my reflection of my own journey...

I'm at a stage where I know exactly what I want. Family & business wise. I know the kind of work that will make my heart full. I'm having one of those years where I feel like all I need is my mother. Or a baby.

Malcolm Shumba

Anyway. You should read all Gladwell's books.

Opening one's mind...

"Fear can be manufactured simply by inventing a story about the future that is not real.....and then acting like it is real. Interesting that out of the millions of stories we could invent, we would invent a scary one. If we are going to invent stories anyhow, we might as well invent one that feels good.....takes just as much effort, it's more likely to be true and even if it isn't, you'll feel better." J. Hough

"Waiting for a sign from the Universe is like waiting for the cookies to bake, when you're the one with your hand on the temperature guage. Any 'signs' you see are simply a reflection of your actions and vibration.....the Universe does not have any control of your life......it simply reflects back to you your degree of 'yes-ness'. " J. Hough

embracing the present...

As of today, I am looking for a job. (once again) hooray!
A few epiphanies snapped me back to reality.

I am fixing up my resume once again and job hunting in Toronto. I just sent out a few resumes. And no sketchy job searches. No worries there.

To be honest I gave up the job hunt after April. It took me a long time to forgive myself for not getting offered my dream job after four interviews. I hope that one day I can fully let it go and see the beauty of the situation. I am done with the "woe is me, boo hoo hoo crap". Plain negative stuff.

Anyway, aside from sending out resumes, I am exploring some new business ideas. I'm well aware of the areas I need to grow.

I have a breakthrough where workshops are concerned. The owner of this really cool art-shop is willing to have me host one of my workshops in the store. It is up to me to make the rest of this happen.

maybe a haircut is in order...

summer 2009 in Toronto!

My first Canadian summer!

The garbage collectors & other city workers are on strike in Toronto & have been for over a week now.

Pretty crazy, huh?

The city is kinda of smelly. Sometimes it seems to me that TO's subway & streetcars are dirtier than NYC. In NYC they cleaned the subway every single day. In Toronto - every few weeks it seems they decide to make a measly cleaning attempt.

Definitely just my skewed opinion.

Toronto is ok. However, when I give birth to my baby (not yet conceived - I'm a virgin & I'm still looking for diaper $$ & a father), I want the little baby to be born in an obscure village in the French speaking part of Canada. Preferably a village with a long name whose meaning I don't even know.

nuff said.

this post is random.

On more personal notes...June was good. July is off to a somewhat rocky start. I'm working on a project that requires me to really step out of my comfort zone. I close my eyes & I remember my WSC family & how much they love me & always encouraged me. How Jeanne always supported me 300% - ALL THE TIME. I need sooo much support in order to see this project through and presently I feel that I don't have it. I am trying to give myself the support, but so far it's not enough & I keep stalling and postponing. Divine intervention is needed. If I don't see this through by the end of July, then I will have to postpone it for another time when the conditions are better for ripening.

Otherwise. what else.

Trying to stay aware of my intuition and leaving the ego behind. That one is a life long challenge. My ego is always ready to beat the crap out of anyone who wants to say crap or is annoying. Meanwhile my intuition is whispering to me to focus on other beautiful things.

Here is an excellent clarifier for intuition vs ego: CLICK HERE

I need some fun & challenges. just a change of some sort. maybe just Baileys and a sidekick. I really miss being a sidekick.

Bart Simpson where are you?

better yet

the days of super B in NYC...

randomness & life after colonization...

yesterday, I made lunch for my friend and I & took it downtown for his lunch break. He's an interesting character - and probably more of an acquaintance than a friend. Anyway. The lunch was more for me. I wanted to extend a gesture to him that I don't entirely hate him. We are worlds apart. From the same country, but he is a super religious nutcase with all these conventional idea. A few weeks ago we had a huge argument about Christianity and the existence of god and that book they call the bible. Anyway. I was very respectful, but sometimes among people from my country there is an unspoken assumption that everyone is a Christian and those who are not are stupid.

Anyway. Lunch yesterday was interesting. He was fascinated by the whole wheat bread and he'd never eaten raisins and walnuts so I had to explain to him what those were. He didn't like the vegetables on sprouted bread - I assume it was way too healthy a taste. Also traditionally, my people eat wellcooked veggies rather than delicious raw ones...

It was interesting to talk about some issues regarding life back home. I don't know too much about my own country's history and the little bits I know, I pick up from people as I go along. My school only taught me about Hitler & Mussolini while neglecting to teach me about Nehanda. I am a true child of the FUCKING british. Anyway, my friend made the point that he agrees with the whole idea that the white farm.ers were kicked out of the country. He started to tell me about how before that happened, the white people who were 3% of the country owned 95% of the resources and most of them just sat prettily, didn't work at all and yet they were millionaires, while our black parents struggled to make a living.

Now. We own our own country...but...there is so much corruption and disorganization that a goodo 3% of wealthy black people still control things and we are only surviving because of those of us that are slaving away in western lands.

Fine.

Both of those scenarios suck. I don't think it's ok that even now, sanctions are imposed upon us until we agree to share our resources with the British. That is effed up. Majorly. I also look back and see how hard my parents worked and how little of it shows, yet many of the British friends' just sat pretty. I dunno. Maybe I was too young to notice or care. I don't think it's about race though. People can't just take advantage of us Africans like that and get away with it.
The world justice system is DUMB. It doesn't protect the poor African people from the corrupt shit.

This all make sense to me.

Anyway. Fk the past. I just want my child to grow up sheltered in a lovely village in Quebec.

Phew.

I'm doing well. Off to drink some water.

random thoughts on things fall apart...

Chinua Achebe's "Things Fall Apart" is an classic novel by an African author. Before I moved to the US, I hadn't really read any books by African authors. Perhaps it's the nostalgia that has sparked my interest in Achebe. That, and the fact that I am a writer myself and I understand the importance of paying homage to those that have paved the way for us.

This book was interesting. A story about a proud man Onkwonkwo who has worked hard to obtain in social standing and wealth. He has many wives and he is a successful breeder of yams. He is proud and has worked hard to earn his success. Things fall apart for him on more than one occassion and that for me is reality. Pride before a fall. Achebe is intense in his discriptions. To be honest, sometimes I don't like the way he uses the language. However I am picky about style. The story flows well. I have a hard time reading about the patriarchy and dumb laws in a primitive African Village. I also have a hard time reading about the moment when the white missionaries came along to convert the natives from their ancestoral ways. Both systems seem very intolerant and full and rules - how can one possibly be right. My personal religion is love and I don't believe in the other stuff because it divides the world more often than not. However, that's just the way it is.

My favorite part is when Onkwonkwo kills himself because he can't bear to see his old way of life falling apart and his people compromising to christianity more and more...

In a nutshell, I'm glad I read the book, and I'm elated that I don't live in a village phew. In a week I will read his other book "Arrow of God". I am looking forward to it.

My Thoughts about "Things Fall Apart" by Chinua Achebe

coming soon in my next post...

Springalicious!

Remember that

"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out"

whoever said that is effin god.

Spring Tyme!

“And then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin

"Life should NOT be a journey
to the grave with the intention of
arriving safely in an attractive and
well preserved body, but rather to
skid in sideways, Champagne in
one hand – strawberries in the
other, body thoroughly used up,
totally worn out and screaming
‘WOO HOO – What
a Ride!"
Mavis Leyrer

Interesting week ahead...

I'm a little whiny coz I miss a boy.

There is a lot this week:
four quizzes, maybe filing Canadian taxes, applying for an apartment, waiting to hear about a job, starting to exercise again, one of my best friends flying to spend a few days with me. These are just a few of the things going on...

I must begin college application...sometime!

All these things are good. I just want a much calmer daily life though.

Walking along the beach in the spring...

My first walk along the beach in 2009!

So many roller-bladers around!

On Tuesday I will attempt to run on the boardwalk :)

How to make Toronto feel like NYC!

My best summers ever have been the ones I spent in New York City.

I expect my first summer in Toronto to be my best summer yet!

I'm applying to move to an apartment in a more centralized neighborhood in Toronto. From here on out it's the dumb logistics that I'm trying to figure out - rental application with the building office. I have a meeting with them on Friday.

Otherwise I'm excited at this possibility & really want this to happen :) :) :)

Meanwhile - the potential move - in date is 2.5 months away which is good coz it gives me a chance to really fall in love with the beach near my house knowing that it's temporary makes it that much more appealing!

Bring on the summer, Toronto...

Spring in Toronto!!!

Never mind that it snowed two weeks ago!

It's spring. Today I took a lovely walk through the park near my house. Everything seems so much lighter and jollier these days. I did some spring cleaning & I'm getting rid of junk internally & externally. Helena The Minimalist!

Of course there are some pretty uncool things in my life presently, like not getting the job I wanted, my computer acting up & my annoying roommates.

However there is awesomeness too:
I made two wonderful new friends during the past two days. There is a 90% chance that I'm moving on July 1st to a new home. (I will find out if I have been accepted on Friday). I'm applying for an awesome program for September (application due June 30th). I'm planning on teaching an outdoor fitness class for June 1st.

Lately I have a tendency to want to do things spontaneously - like calling people at the last minute to hang out, or randomly making new plans. This is the me that I've been missing! She's back!

Trusting the universe. The rest of the nitty gritty details will sort themselves out.

Thanks y'all for your support & for sharing part of my journey.

Hiatus Again...

Happy Spring, Everyone!

M-A-C makeup & unemployment!!!

Today was the last day at my job! I am so proud of myself for the 4 weeks I spent there. I learned SOO much & kept my integrity throughout. I left on a good note with everyone.

My co-worker Matt was so awesome. He really understood me even though I have barely spoken to him. He gave me such a firm handshake. To me that means the world. He said "you will know where you fit, when you get there".

It reminds me of my co-worker Paul from WSC in NYC. When I left my job last year, Paul said something like "enjoy the world & don't stop until you find your home...."

Honestly I'm realizing more and more that the home I seek is just me. These next few weeks it's just me. Reading, sleeping, running, writing, walking. The next step? Setting some concrete goals. Spending some time writing my business plan. Just being me. Being open to new opportunities...

I've been missing Super B, H & all your folks in the US of A.

Does the universe have perfect timing, or is the universe always fucking up with the timing of things?

Easter! Time for rebirth! Drastic & wonderful changes ahead!

when is the last time i felt extremely happy & hopeful?

early December 2008.

I remember being so elated about a lot of things. I would talk to my family on the phone a lot. I was going to UUchurch on most Sundays, I had finished working on my website, I was learning to crochet, I was mega-excited to give my bf his holiday gift, I was cooking all the time, & the future looked so bright!

What happened in between now & then?

I barely talk to my family. I became less social. The Unitarian Church became so annoyingly boring & somehow spending an hour listening to some pastor talk about how we should pray, made me nauseous. As much as the UU is not a religious community, I hate the fact that they structure things around religion & model many things from Christianity. That really started to bother me. I still want to be involved in the community with things that interest me, so maybe once every three months an event may prop up that thrills me. Also I do keep in touch with pple I care about from the community...

How can I propel myself to thrive again?

Lately, I feel like I have no concept of what it is to dream anymore? I would like to learn again. Usually I'm an idealist who's super excited about everything. I came to Toronto to build a home and I'm wondering if I'm progressing towards my goal or just surviving. Friday is my last day at my draining job.

Part of my issue lately is that I feel like I am not surrounded by people who understand me or really get what I'm all about. I know those people exist & care about me, but why are they in Georgia or Boston or NYC? People with whom I can just be & not have to say anything at all & they understand me. There must be people like this somewhere in TO that I can build friendships with.

I am building some new friendships & looking forward to spending more time with some people like Naomi, Marco, Anna, Amanda & Lhe. These are people I am so honored to get to know better.

Honestly. The only things that excite me are:

-Getting a job at the company I've always wanted to work at (I find out by Wednesday)
-Achieving below 18% Body Fat by the end of 2009
-Moving to a new home
-Playing tennis outdoors
-Cooking more again
-Dinner Parties
-Finishing a novel
-Writing wellness articles
-Having a successful company
-randomly teaching a free yoga class in High Park or one of the lovely TO parks
-Visiting Montreal when my French improves!!!
-Living with people I care about

One step at a time. For now, I deserve a medal when I make it through to next Sunday!

Happy April!

Spring is here!

I haven't blogged in so long. I need stability. I've applied for a really awesome job. I will find out next week about the status of my application.

Meanwhile - popsicles & junk food & hope sustain me!

So much for holistic living & working at a gym!

More detailed updates soon. Wishing you all a beautiful Spring!

Singing the beautiful winter blues until April Fools' Day!

I caved. I've stopped giving into my summery facade. I'm going to just enjoy these winter blues and take time and space and enjoy new habits and most of all acknowledge and enjoy the season!

I'll be back posting on here on April 1st. Meanwhile it's me and the icy rain and dirty snow banks and the slower season that demands my reflections, writing, meditations and holds so much hope for the summery spring and springy summer ahead.

Check back on the blog on & after April 1st! I'm wishing you all a happy season of good times and renewal!

Understanding holistic living...

In the fall I was priveleged enough to experience a few months of the best health ever. I felt wonderful about everything I ate, I sat down to eat slowly and cooked three times a day and exercised a occasionally and felt so positive and great about everything. I discovered how to eat so that I feel wonderful for the first time in my life!

Sadly, sometimes that perfect lifestyle isn't quite so feasible. It's interesting how changing even one little thing in your life or compromising can have negative effects. For example during these past two weeks I've drank 25% of the amount of water that my body is used to and I can assure you that it's probably the reason my mood has tanked. Dehydration. Of course I don't feel dehydrated, but clearly my body needs more water than I've been giving it. Lately I rarely sit down and eat and I made some changes to my food that are not geling well with my body. I feel gassy sometimes and I haven't felt this way until I switched my eating recently so I know that something isn't agreeing with me.

The beautiful thing is that I know exactly what I need to do in order to get my body and life back to the state it thrives best in. So I'm getting there...

To the friends that are my family...

I love you and miss you all...

In my dream world, we all live on the same street and we cook delishus Italian food & Swazi cuisine!!!!!!!!!!

Are you in on this deal? Holla!

My personality type is...

INFP

Read all about me here

Young & carefree!

"An adult is one who has lost the grace, the freshness, the innocence of the child,who is no longer capable of feeling pure joy, who makes everything complicated,who spreads suffering everywhere, who is afraid of being happy, and who,because it is easier to bear, has gone back to sleep. The wise man is a happy child."-Arnaud Desjardins

DEFINE WHAT SUCCESS MEANS TO YOU!

I am happy, healthy and I am successful. I can confidently say that statment and it's an exciting feeling.

For me, success is following my heart regardless of what society says. Success is answering only to myself and knowing that as long as I'm alright with it, then it's definitely alright.

I feel so blessed. I am very blessed.

To get where I am it's taken being true to myself and leaving a life of supposed stability that was literally killing me. I've let go of that feeling of trying to justify my decisions to the world. It's a really grand place to be where I am.

In Dec. 2007 I made my Dream wall, in November 2008, I made my soul painting, and in January 2009, I created my vision board.

I was able to share my vision board with some friends last night. It was uplifting to share. My positive energy, strength & vision is a million times stronger than any doubt that anyone holds in their mind.

Being unconventional has always been me. I believe everyone gets to define their own world and that there is no collective way that we must all be. 2.5 kids and a white picket fence and a stressful 9-5 for life and retirement at 65. FUCK THAT.

What's MY dream? well - if you're lucky I'll show you my vision board:)

My life has been this amazing crescendo and I'm at an awesome part in my journey. I would say that the most significant moments are:

• moving to NYC June '06
• working with a fitness trainer October '06
• pledging to a year of celibacy, teetotaller life & vegetarianism January '07
• realizing I needed to do everything it took to see my family December '07
• completing the NYC tri July '08
• launching into a new country not knowing what it would be like, but knowing it's where I needed to be. August '08
• Making the commitment to making myself the priority in my life January '09

It's so beautiful to find communities of people working on unconventional. It's not about rebellion at all. I think more and more it's apparent to me how society brainwashes us wherever we are. I hate colleges and institutions and formal education. I always have hated those things. I think it's that everything that has taught me to survive and make it is not in a book or taught to me, but rather learned through experience. I think of all the nonsense that many parents feed to their children. The effin lies. Maybe I talk about my own family here. It's taken forever to let go of the things I was taught early on in life and just claim my own beliefs.

What most inspired me to post was reading this article: CLICK HERE

To me reading such things and knowing that there are people I gel with and people around whom my way of thinking is the norm, is so beautiful. That's a community that helps me at all points of my journey. I need to be surrounded by envelope pushers and life outside boxes.

It's time. Step outside of corporations, pharmaceutical companies, convention, compliance, norms. Do something different today, just for you!

It's not a singular journey & I am grateful for the love, support & patience of others.

STEP INTO YOUR BEST SELF!

The best time of day to see downtown Toronto...

7am on a weekend morning! I love to be up and about early and today I had the privelege of seeing Toronto before the dawn and reveling in the pre-rush beauty. There is just something so beautiful to me about that. I love early morning.

It reminded me of early morning New York City. Somehow everything seems pure. This sense of light & beauty being right around the corner. The smell of fresh baked goodies for the morning crowds...

Why I love big cities!!! The pre-dawn new life airs that give you a glimpse of a quieter version of the city and give you a chance to witness who works behind the scenes to make our cities thrive...On the extreme end, I love a night on the town. City lights with the promise of wild times and wonderful music...

I have yet to really experience Toronto at night. All in good time:)

What is excellence?

We definitely live in an amazing age. I have a copy of 4 hour workweek but I've only read one chapter. This morning I listened to an amazing audio interview that Leo of Zenhabits did with Timothy Ferris of 4 hour workweek.

I urge you to check it out here: Leo’s Interview with Tim Ferriss

A secret world underground in Toronto!

This city gets more and more awesome by the day:)

I discovered that there are shopping malls underground in Toronto - a whole web of a world with restaurants, hotels & fancy offices all linked to Union Station & the financial district!

This underworld is so large in fact that I got lost for hours trying to find my destinations today - and I'm a New Yorker. That says a lot.

Toronto is a city indeed!

I hope Steve Jobs gets better soon. Send him lots of positive energy & good thoughts y'all. That man is truly an inspiration. Get better Steve!! Take all the time you need to rest and recover.

Gyms in Toronto versus Gyms in Manhattan...

Most Toronto gyms are worse than the absolute worst gym you could ever find in New York - except maybe for Bllys which is the worst gym in NYC.

I have worked out at tons of NYC gyms from the skankiest -Bllys to the chic of the chic Reebok Sports Club. I even had a short stint working for the largest chain of gyms in NYC...I do consider myself qualified to make large generalizations...

The beautiful thing about New York Gym is that there is a gym for every personality - Brooklyn has some pretty high quality customer service oriented gyms, especially in the Park Slope area. Mid Manhattan is filled with some classy workout spaces for corporate America including some chic private gyms with private Olympic pools and golf simulators. Lower Manhattan has this very sleek, sexy aerial gym, and there are numerous smaller independent studios for personal training. Also - you have lovely parks - Central & Prospect & whatever exists in The Bronx & other buroughs....

Now looking at TO...

Gyms here suck! Just like the ridiculously overpriced Toronto cell phone plans, gyms in Toronto have no tact and scam clients left right and center. Notorious for this are the huge places like Xtrem Fitness & Gdlife. The top version of a gym exists in racquet clubs around the city & in Yorkville. The issue though - Yorkville isn't all that accessible to the average jobless Joe like me! That said, I've been blessed to find some gorgeous decent facilities such as the Toronto NewsGirls Boxing Club which is a wonderful & positive safe space for women. Also quite cool is the Dynamic Conditioning Center which is an adult's playground where I go to smash tires and drag around the sled on the lovely indoor turf. The YMCA is amazingly clean & pretty classy compared to NYC YMCA gyms.

Overall verdict.

If you like your gym exercise then stay in New York!

If you have dreams of owning a studio gym, move to TO!

In the summer, ditch all gym memberships coz in TO you have the beach boardwalk and High Park, and Central Park is one of the best places to run & bike around when you're in Manhattan...

Happy sweating everyone!

In 2011 I will be my own boss because...

I refuse to suck on Uncle Sam's corporate waxed balls anymore.

To those of you who will forever be part of the rat race, good luck.

I am forging my own path each day & the journey is wonderful. The destination is classy & worthwhile!

(i apologize if that expression offends anyone, but this best expresses how i feel right now. and it's my favorite statement of the day)

Neil Gaiman Quotes

these quotes are the shizzle. so effin funny:

“Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love.”

DA- I think you'll love that quote above. Remember how when we were firsties in college we declared a war against love...if only we had memorized this quote back then!

“I've been making a list of the things they don't teach you at school. They don't teach you how to love somebody. They don't teach you how to be famous. They don't teach you how to be rich or how to be poor. They don't teach you how to walk away from someone you don't love any longer. They don't teach you how to know what's going on in someone else's mind. They don't teach you what to say to someone who's dying. They don't teach you anything worth knowing.”

Yay the rebel in me loves this second quote. effin formal education. i hate it.

“Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.”

That is prolly his best quote of all.

"Things need not have happened to be true. Tales and adventures are the shadow truths that will endure when mere facts are dust and ashes and forgotten. "

Credits to Neil Gaiman, ThinkExist.com & en.wikiquote.org for above words.

Hello Healthy Habits! What I do when I'm blue...

It dawned on me yesterday that the person I was a year ago and the person I am now are different. I have grown immensely. In particular I want to take time to be thankful for this new development in myself. It has been gradually happening over time, but now I can honestly say the following:

I have healthy ways for dealing with adversity!!!

In the past my strategies have been the following:

-Redbull

-Cotton Candy

-McDonalds

-Burger King

-Bagel with cream cheese

-Alcohol

-Associating with riff raff folks

Now, my strategies lately (for when I feel blue) that grow stronger with each day are:

-YogaZone exercise

-Cooking

-Taking a walk

-listening to music

-dancing in my room

-reflective solitude

-reading / listening to/ watching inspirational messages

-Positive visualizations

-writing to my best friend

This post is my way of giving thanks for some new lifetime habits that have taken a long time to cultivate but that will be with me forever.

Meanwhile - I started to think about this beautiful poem I wrote about the blues last spring. I am working on the version of my present wintery blues and one day I will perform and share it on stage...Thank you universe!

I miss New York City...

listening to Stacey Kent's Manhattan doesn't help things!

I'm excited about my next visit there. 2010 here I come! New York will always be home. All the awesome things I did there. All my friends who I miss so much.

It is good to be away from New York City, because I can breathe and think away from the madness. I need this Toronto calm for my sanity. My dream world has several visits to New York every few months. Well 2010. Hold on world!

2010 Paris perhaps also.

Creative Jazz!

is the theme of my weekend.

Life as a Leo...

I'm used to everything being dramatic.

During the past few years I've been working on just being balanced & chill. I'm slowly getting there, but I do have my moments.

I want grand everything. Fancy meals, huge huge gestures, I like to give others & I don't even have to think twice about it.

My resolution this year is to put myself first. I'm working on it. Obviously I'm going to do it in a grand way.

In a month I will be working. Where I don't know. I'm still applying for jobs. Send me lots of positive energy.

Sometimes I'm really into my horoscope. Lately I'm this way. Most of the things they say about leos are very true for me. I like competition & like to be the center of attention. If I feel like I'm not getting those things I will withdraw or throw a tantrum or mildy pout. As I grow older, I don't throw tantrums any more. I just withdraw and find people who give me the attention I deserve. I do give others attention too so it's a balance.

However, I do want to get to a place where the ego is less important. Where I can focus on what needs to get done and just do it. Where I can just appreciate the world and give to those who need giving in spite of myself.

I love people. But I find that I like to stay away from competitive people and that when I'm sad I shut most people out. Like I just don't call or email or chat as often as I used to. Usually I take that time to figure me out. I find that I'm extremely successful at doing this in my own company given how disfunctional others can be. I think everyone is their own best life guru.

The balance is delicate. It's a journey. This is my reflection space.

My 43 things lists...

One of my fave social networks online is 43things.com

Today you're honored to learn more about my list.
As of today, there are 35 things on my list that I want to do, and 12 things I've done.

Among the things I want to do are (i need to update it more but this is from last year):

make a million, fight mediocrity, get a tattoo, write a book, buy a bicycle, run faster, open a Roth IRA, make money online, never settle for anything less than I deserve, keep in better contact with the friends I have and make new friends, never lose my sense of wonder, design my own clothes, be a better sister, engage my sense of wonder regulary, go camping, start writing poetry again, be able to do pull-ups, do 15 pushups, send something to post secret, volunteer on an organic farm, become a canadian permanent resident, become a CHEK practitioner, learn tai chi & qi gong, improve my french, own a successful business, get drivers license, become financially independent, try crossfit, write a living will, become a naturopathic doctor, take a train across Canada, learn Adobe Flash CS3, learn to use Adobe Illustrator, learn to rock climb, trust more

The 12 things I have done...

made bread pudding, built my own website, do something productive every day, become a Holistic Lifestyle Coach, only buy clothes that make me feel beautiful and classy, Learn Chi Running, have a totally different life by this time next year, finish a triathlon, date, watch smallville, learn to ride a bicycle, learn to swim.

Most of this was written in 2007 when I first joined 43things. Needs a lil tweaking. I love that site. It reminds me of all the coolness in the world.

Listening to Ella...

After a rocking bout of boxing, I'm home listening to jazz. Feels good:)

Now I'ma sautee some smoked mackarel with mushroom and eat that along with the rest of my swiss chard from the other day...

I have the best coach in the world.

Mentors

I'm proposing this awesome idea for a mentorship group and I'm excited to launch it in two months' time. I love and need to be around people that are doing the same kind of work I am and learn from and with them and share encouragement. Anyway. I'm launching a professional mentorship group or partnership situation and I'm excited about the possiblities:):):)

Every year for the past two years I've had the privelage to attend some world class wellness conventions - one in Brooklyn and the other in Toronto. Just being around all these people who care about fitness and health is amazing. I am so happy in that environment and I always leave thinking - there must be a way to recreate this at other points in the year.

Meanwhile there is so much support for me through blogs such as these: http://zenhabits.net/

I just spent over an hour watching The Last Lecture by Prof Randy. The other day I watched Steve Jobs commencement speech.

Do you ever wonder sometimes where these people are when you need to be reminded that it's ok to forge ahead on unchartered paths? Or when you crave the nudging that says everything's gonna be alright in hindsight...

Everything is alright.

Live 'n Shine in 2009!!!

My horoscope is amazingly right on target.  These are exactly the thoughts that were on my mind when I decided to check my 'scope.  (don't worry I'm not gonna turn into a fanatic about this stuff.)  Wow.  

2009 Leo Horoscope

"Living to Learn While Learning to Live"

Your usually bold outlook may be tempered at the start of the year by sad stories in the news or friends who have unfortunate personal problems. Your empathy may be charged up, and you may feel you want to become more involved with helping others. There may be a time when you're tempted to reach into your pocketbook and solve the problem with money. Although there may be a few situations where that's helpful, for the most part, it may not be as constructive as you'd like. Use your artistic talents and past experience to help guide others through hard times. In the broader spectrum of world affairs, you may have to hold back a little, contributing just enough without sacrificing the needs of you or your loved ones.