when is the last time i felt extremely happy & hopeful?

early December 2008.

I remember being so elated about a lot of things. I would talk to my family on the phone a lot. I was going to UUchurch on most Sundays, I had finished working on my website, I was learning to crochet, I was mega-excited to give my bf his holiday gift, I was cooking all the time, & the future looked so bright!

What happened in between now & then?

I barely talk to my family. I became less social. The Unitarian Church became so annoyingly boring & somehow spending an hour listening to some pastor talk about how we should pray, made me nauseous. As much as the UU is not a religious community, I hate the fact that they structure things around religion & model many things from Christianity. That really started to bother me. I still want to be involved in the community with things that interest me, so maybe once every three months an event may prop up that thrills me. Also I do keep in touch with pple I care about from the community...

How can I propel myself to thrive again?

Lately, I feel like I have no concept of what it is to dream anymore? I would like to learn again. Usually I'm an idealist who's super excited about everything. I came to Toronto to build a home and I'm wondering if I'm progressing towards my goal or just surviving. Friday is my last day at my draining job.

Part of my issue lately is that I feel like I am not surrounded by people who understand me or really get what I'm all about. I know those people exist & care about me, but why are they in Georgia or Boston or NYC? People with whom I can just be & not have to say anything at all & they understand me. There must be people like this somewhere in TO that I can build friendships with.

I am building some new friendships & looking forward to spending more time with some people like Naomi, Marco, Anna, Amanda & Lhe. These are people I am so honored to get to know better.

Honestly. The only things that excite me are:

-Getting a job at the company I've always wanted to work at (I find out by Wednesday)
-Achieving below 18% Body Fat by the end of 2009
-Moving to a new home
-Playing tennis outdoors
-Cooking more again
-Dinner Parties
-Finishing a novel
-Writing wellness articles
-Having a successful company
-randomly teaching a free yoga class in High Park or one of the lovely TO parks
-Visiting Montreal when my French improves!!!
-Living with people I care about

One step at a time. For now, I deserve a medal when I make it through to next Sunday!