How often do you feel passion?

It's 4am. I've been up for a while.

My roommate just knocked on my door because she has a medical emergency. Lately it seems she confides in me about her medical issues. I feel so honored because I love healing and helping.

So I'm in my PJ's and smell like ----- because of blablabla also my breath is unpleasant coz I've had a super duper lazy day today. Did not brush teeth yet. ewww. So with my very limited knowledge and the help of webmd, she's now off to take a taxi to one of the only 24 hour pharmacies in Toronto. And she has my number if she needs me.

It's quite exciting. I think this is probably the second time I've felt any kind of productive emotion today. Something really wonderful happened today and I was very happy. Then the responsibility dawned upon me and the joy went to the background.

I had a very productive day. But the tasks I took on have exciting long term results but offer no satisfaction for today.

I'm going to take a shower now at 4am. I feel rather icky.

I feel so bla. I love the stability and goodness I have here in TO. BUT I miss the NYC adrenaline rushes and 24 hour everything. My life here is so effin decent. I want brand new clothes and to be 600% fitter than I am now. Tall order.

This is more of a whiney blog entry.

I'm going to be up for the next 19 hours.

Right this moment I feel mediocre. UNCOOL.

I want to take violin lessons. I get bored so easily and my mbira lessons are cool but too far away. I will reassess this thought in a few months. Maybe I can find a violin teacher who lives very close to me.

Fuck mediocre. Since when did I become mediocre. Why are my standards so high? Why do I get bored so easily?

I think back to when I was working. I used to stay up just reading sometimes then I'd get sad because I had to stop reading in order to go to work. Now that I'm not working - it's not like you find me immersed in a book everyday!!

I find that if I choose to I can focus really intensely on a goal, but if something happens to break my focus, that's the end of that goal. I'm good at goals that have tangible destination. Like moving to NYC. Or moving to Toronto. Going home. Completing triathlon.

Maybe I should seek out adventures that have me traveling around Canada.

I am now embarking on some intense goals for the next two weeks. Among which is..."finish writing a book". After which I may call upon one of you readers to be my editor. Then there's the e-book project I must complete and convert format.

I'm tired. bye bye. I'm hungry :( cooking at this hour could be fun...eggsssssssssssss....breadddddddd....chickennn saussaaaaaaggee...delish delish delish.

I am craving attention. I am also very angry.  Watch out world.