I hate Christmas. Especially this year. I hate consumerism. People go around buying crap. I wouldn't mind so much if the holiday had a different name. Like Walmart Day. I have a huge issue with the history of this day. Who was Jesus? Did this person even exist?
Why is the world so dumb. Why are people so gullible that they buy stupid stuff and live at Walmart.
Am I just as dumb?
My grandad used to kill us a goat at Christmas. Now the cost of a goat is a couple thousand USD so they can't afford to kill a goat. And my pops used to make me recite baby jesus verses from the bible on Christmas Day. That used to upset me and I would think "I would rather be buried alive than recite this crap".
I'm still alive.
December 25th 1997. I ran away from home at 7am. I told my dad that I hated him and that I didn't want to celebrate Christmas Dinner with them.
I came back home a few hours later. Sniffling and sobbing. I got dressed, and then pretended to eat breakfast. The car was not working, so we took a commuter omnibus to Cranborne to have Christmas Dinner with some close family friends. Tasty food. Dumb Christian nonsense. Meanwhile my heart is effin breaking and all I could think about was calling Katie the next day to tell her everything...about how i hated my parents and how i died everytime I had to pretend I believe in christianity. If only corporal punishment didn't exist.
Some memories aren't so bad. Like playing Santa with my siblings and making them sing "we three kings of orient are...". I used to get everyone a gift. One year I saved up all these $2 bills and made everyone Christmas Crackers. I remember when my parents bought us books at Christmas. And the huge Christmas tree we had in Highlands. I even remember when I believed in Father Christmas. I was a gullible sucker.
Ok....
Fast forward to North America. Aunty Susan and company. Christmas there was always the best. I got lots of prezzies and she treated me just like I was her daughter. She always does. I miss my stocking...Christmas in Burlington, VT with Hannah's family. Magical. There is this adorable picture of us in our holiday clothes passed out on the couch...Advent calendars in upstate NY...Going to the National Cemetary in DC with SVG and company on christmas day...then last year sadza with Peshi & company in New Jersey and my brilliant photo holiday cards that I gave to everyone...my secret santa at work who gave me all these kool triathlon gifts...
Ok. This year I'm spending Christmas dinner with these peeps from my UU community. I decided that I don't like celebrating Christmas. But I get so homesick around now and I don't want to be sad.
When someone says happy holidays to me I feel like yelling. Or throwing up. Why do humans follow so blindly. I don't want any holiday wishes or presents or christmas cards. I just want a friggin normal month. And to know that my family is ok.
I do respect whatever y'all celebrate. Maybe I will make myself into a stereotype and celebrate Kwanzaa.
I love giving. I always have and always will. I prefer to give to people because it makes me so happy. I like to make someone smile. In high school I remember I knew most people's birthdays and would always make stuff like cards and get gifts. I prefer to give. Receiving is fun sometimes but I only like to receive meaningful and useful things. I don't like gifts that are cheap, or afterthoughts that take two seconds to conjure up. I prefer hugs and snail mail and thoughtful things.
I will celebrate the New Year in style. That is the one tradition that I cling to. I am cooking dinner and having peeps over on Jan 1st.
Happy new Year everyone. Will post again in January. Happy Kwanzaa everyone!
Yonge Street does look pretty...
5 comments:
let me tell you what i hate the most. these fucking people and their new year's resolutions. if you want to change, start today. don't wait until the new year. i feel like this thought somewhat goes along with your post....i am not a big fan of the holidays either. or this consumer crap. but am i a hypocrite because i like material stuff sometimes? blah. my friend evan told me this quote that was basically you can always make more money, but your time is gone. uhm yeah ramble. this should be an email. love,ME
I totally agree...today is the only day you have bla bla bla...
miss you lots!!!hehe- remember my '07 resolutions!!
Ohh i so hear you.. Christmas was alwasy a family thing, and the past few years my family has disintegrated there hasn't been much Christams, and i began to hate this holiday... as a result i spend it alone, i was alone last year eating chinese take out from the previous day. i will be at home this year or maybe to the movies alone and my phone will be off.
i am not buying any card or gift, or well i bought one gift already for secret santa at work and had 2 cards from work, but thats about it.
new year, i intend to sleep through it.
so i hear you.
happy new year...
in the same boat as you all.
HATE this time of year.
baaaahhhhh-hum-fucking-bug!
love u P, hang in there!
Shaz: Thank you! It's great to hear you'll be getting some high quality alone time in:)
Beej: Miss you - love you!
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