Hello Healthy Habits! What I do when I'm blue...

It dawned on me yesterday that the person I was a year ago and the person I am now are different. I have grown immensely. In particular I want to take time to be thankful for this new development in myself. It has been gradually happening over time, but now I can honestly say the following:

I have healthy ways for dealing with adversity!!!

In the past my strategies have been the following:

-Redbull

-Cotton Candy

-McDonalds

-Burger King

-Bagel with cream cheese

-Alcohol

-Associating with riff raff folks

Now, my strategies lately (for when I feel blue) that grow stronger with each day are:

-YogaZone exercise

-Cooking

-Taking a walk

-listening to music

-dancing in my room

-reflective solitude

-reading / listening to/ watching inspirational messages

-Positive visualizations

-writing to my best friend

This post is my way of giving thanks for some new lifetime habits that have taken a long time to cultivate but that will be with me forever.

Meanwhile - I started to think about this beautiful poem I wrote about the blues last spring. I am working on the version of my present wintery blues and one day I will perform and share it on stage...Thank you universe!

Super Start Strong Sunday!!!

Well...now it's Monday.

Sunday was amazing.  Mostly because it was the last Sunday of 2009 and to me, such things matter.  Dates and ceremonies.

In the past year I would say that so many miracles and blessings happened.  I can confidently say the following:

1.  I know for sure what I want to do with my life and I'm getting there every day.  It's a lifelong journey and I love it.  It's not work - it's my legacy and I feel a very strong calling to it.  

2.  I don't care what anyone thinks of me and the things that I do or have done.  (Sometimes I care for a moment, then it fades away just as soon as that doubt showed up).  Only my opinion matters because I've been there since my conception and through all the ups and downs of my own journey.

3.  I am super duper confident in my daily choices and I allow myself to learn and falter as part of my journey.

4.  The most significant things about my year:

a)  meeting Paul Chek.  And for the first time since I became interested in health and fitness, I met someone who actually followed the advice he gave people, and who actually made sense and looked at the whole person, instead of just muscles and appearance.  Meeting Paul has changed my life in amazing ways.  He is not a hero or anything.  His legacy journey just happens to be one that can reach me and inspire me in ways that I need.  It's about finding an approach that works for you as an individual so you can be your best...In August, I attended a Q & A session here in TO.  For the first time in my life I heard someone answer questions I had had all my life in a way that just clicked and made sense and was true.  Like:  how come some people are born into difficult situations?  etc...  Rock on Paul.

b)  meeting my boyfriend.  For me it all happened unexpectedly at a moment when I wasn't thinking about dating because my energies were so focused on triathlon and leaving NYC.  I am blessed because I met someone pretty kool who I actually care about and doesn't bore me - in fact challenges me to grow.  My first internal response after meeting him was "wow-cool people like this actually exist?"  and" i thought i was the coolest person ever, how can someone be cooler?"!!!!!  anyway.  it was quite humbling.  Also I've been in a healthy place in my life for a while now and it's nice to be in a healthy relationship that's not about obsessive everysecondcalling, codependence and other obsessions.  I guess this relationship seems to be in line with where I am in terms of self love and wanting to share myself in healthy ways and learn from/with him.  Thanks handsome.  (hnk if you're reading this:))

c)  Going home to see my family.  After 8yrs.  I can't believe I actually made that decision to see them.  It was financially and emotionally a difficult decision to make.  I was heartsick to see them and I feel like I've seen them and now I need to focus on taking care of just me for a while.  I've given everything in being there for them for 8.5 years.  Emotionally and financially.  I've reached a place where I just need my life to be about me in North America.  Seeing them made me realize they were alive.  That's all I needed to see.  Now I must move on and focus soley on stabilizing my own life and in a few years I'll be even more of a solid rock for them and with them.

d)  Focusing on my journey.  Letting others take responsibility for their own issues.  Letting others make their own mistakes.  Unless someone is my client or seeking out my advice, allowing them to make their own health and wellness journey.  After all it's a journey, nobody has all the answers and one person's answers are different from those of the next person.

e)  Again letting go.  Focusing on me and what I need.  Always.

f)  Feeding the things that  make me happy and grow in healthy ways.  Being thankful for my blessings.

I'm disabling comments for this post.  Just coz this particular post is rather sacred to me and needs no judgement or encouragement.  It just is.  This is where I am now.  I embrace it.

See y'all on here in 2009!  I'm definitely back to blogging all the time now so check my blog!!!  Juicy posts coming along.  I don't have a journal so this space will be my journal.  Maybe you'll learn more things about me like - which South Park character I would like to meet...or the things that are running through my mind at 3am...also want to write down my dreams on here...

Namaste.

Oh dear...It's Christmas morning and I'm on blogger :)

I wouldn't have it any other way!

So I've decided that in small ways each year I will honor the Solstice, Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa  & the new year.

Last Sunday we celebrated Hanukkah at my church.  

On a personal note, I am seeking three Hanukkah miracles :

1.  Nine clients for January.

2.  $300 000 saved up by Fall 2010.

3.  Success in my North American immigration journey.

In honor of the solstice, I am taking time out to enjoy the weather and also go through transformations so that I emerge from the spring triumphant.  The winter transformations I am working on are

1.  getting in super awesome shape so that in the spring I can start training for my marathon.

2.  to be thinking mostly all positive thoughts by the spring.  I'm doing very well with that one...  It's amazing how much progress I continue to make on this.  It's beautiful. 

Speaking of Christmas.  Last night I went to the Christmas Eve service at my church.  It was so beautiful.  The first time in my life that I saw something good that is related to Christianity.  I love my church.  It's Unitarian Universalist meaning that we are open to all beliefs and everyone can decide from themself what spiritual living means and we find out connection through being human.  It's soooo amazing to be part of this family.

During last night's service we sang carols.  The pastor lit a candle and everyone had their own candle and we passed on the flame until everyone's candle was lit.  We sang "The twelve days of Christmas" Elmo style !!!  The pastor retold the nativity scene in a very cool way.  He stopped at three different points to focus on three aspects:

1.  Embarking on a Journey.  This woman  came up to share a super duper inspirational story about her life.  She's been a social worker for many years, she comes from a large family and is always the one who is relied on to take care of things.  She's been a single parent for many many years.  Her life has been about giving giving giving.  Until one day something happened that prompted her to do more of the things she wants to do.  So she got a tattoo, and took more ownership of just being an individual.  She talked about how in our UU community you receive more than you give so it makes you want to give even more...so true....This really moved me.  The main reason I left teaching is that each year I felt like I was giving and giving and losing without getting back in my life.  Taking care of my family and disintegrating in the process.  I felt like I did teach as a back up plan but really I hadn't figured out what I wanted yet.  But now I know what I want.  Since I left teaching, I spend all my time doing only the things I want to do.  Fuck convention or what anyone thinks of me.  I'm living my life and it's bloody beautiful:)  There is no reason to compromise or succumb to the norm.  It makes me happy as it is and it will only get better from here.  

2.  Being turned away at the Inn.  One of the congregation members shared with us how crappy the health system in North America is and how unless you go to a private hospital, you need to go through the emergency care and usually they don't let you stay overnight and admit you unless you can convince them you're doing.  As a result of this system, her monther's stroke systems went ignored until she finally had the stroke and almost died.  Effin North America and Allopathic medicine.  It makes me so angry...like peopel tell me about their 10 minute doctor visits??? what is that?  Naturopathic Doctors spend 60-90 minutes with you - really caring and helping you figure out and treat the cause of disease...these two types of doctors should work together to bring health to the people...fat chance.  In 6 years I'll be an ND.  I digress.

3.  Giving birth.   At this point, a woman came up to share with us about how she had her daughter a year ago.  It was great to hear her talk about how bitchy she was during the last days of pregnancy, but how when the baby was born, just one look into her eyes brought so much hope and beauty into her world.  Ok... and so my little wondering mind began to fantasize about making babies!! For a split second.  

The service was so beautiful.  The people at my congregation are my family.  I am so happy and blessed.  After the service, the children pounced on the gingerbread house outside the church.  One of my friends asked me where my bf was.  Then I just got annoyed and sad that she'd asked me that question.  For the first time this season, it dawned on me that maybe I was a little sad not to be seeing him on this day.  I know it's just a day and I don't care.  But after my friend asked me, I actually gave it some thought and I felt sad.  Oh well.

Then i went home and I made beautiful meal!!! I made organic cranberry sauce with agave nectar.  It tastes better than the canned stuff.  I made it from scratch and it's all healthy - you can eat miles of it without getting a sugar high!!  It's flavoured with cinnamon, allspice and ginger and has apples and pears and oranges in there...how delish.  I also baked some yummy dark mean turkey and cooked delishus brown basmati rice.  The best part - I made a brilliant vegetable peanut stew with kale, chard, mushrooms and lots of other goodies.  This stew is sooo divine.  I wish someone would share it with me.

Now I'm up.  updating my blog.  I'm going to the gym!!! It's Christmas morning and I'm going to the gym even though I haven't been in forever!  Only I would choose to do something like this.

Then I'll come home and cook delish breakfast, watch cheesy holiday movies on my laptop while the cherry pie is baking.  Then I'm off to Christmas Dinner with E & B from church at their house.  They get to sample my cranberry sauce!! yay :)  Then after that it's home time.

And tommorow is day one of kwanzaa!!! Tommorow I want to go to the gym and the movies.  I'm one of those resolution people, so I'm thinking of what I want to work on in 2009.  I will choose three main things with tangible results.  yippeee yippeeee yippeee.

I guess the holiday spirit did catch on to me after all.  I'm having fun and doing only the things I want to do.  Hip hip hooray!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!