In 2011 I will be my own boss because...

I refuse to suck on Uncle Sam's corporate waxed balls anymore.

To those of you who will forever be part of the rat race, good luck.

I am forging my own path each day & the journey is wonderful. The destination is classy & worthwhile!

(i apologize if that expression offends anyone, but this best expresses how i feel right now. and it's my favorite statement of the day)

Life as a Leo...

I'm used to everything being dramatic.

During the past few years I've been working on just being balanced & chill. I'm slowly getting there, but I do have my moments.

I want grand everything. Fancy meals, huge huge gestures, I like to give others & I don't even have to think twice about it.

My resolution this year is to put myself first. I'm working on it. Obviously I'm going to do it in a grand way.

In a month I will be working. Where I don't know. I'm still applying for jobs. Send me lots of positive energy.

Sometimes I'm really into my horoscope. Lately I'm this way. Most of the things they say about leos are very true for me. I like competition & like to be the center of attention. If I feel like I'm not getting those things I will withdraw or throw a tantrum or mildy pout. As I grow older, I don't throw tantrums any more. I just withdraw and find people who give me the attention I deserve. I do give others attention too so it's a balance.

However, I do want to get to a place where the ego is less important. Where I can focus on what needs to get done and just do it. Where I can just appreciate the world and give to those who need giving in spite of myself.

I love people. But I find that I like to stay away from competitive people and that when I'm sad I shut most people out. Like I just don't call or email or chat as often as I used to. Usually I take that time to figure me out. I find that I'm extremely successful at doing this in my own company given how disfunctional others can be. I think everyone is their own best life guru.

The balance is delicate. It's a journey. This is my reflection space.

Super Start Strong Sunday!!!

Well...now it's Monday.

Sunday was amazing.  Mostly because it was the last Sunday of 2009 and to me, such things matter.  Dates and ceremonies.

In the past year I would say that so many miracles and blessings happened.  I can confidently say the following:

1.  I know for sure what I want to do with my life and I'm getting there every day.  It's a lifelong journey and I love it.  It's not work - it's my legacy and I feel a very strong calling to it.  

2.  I don't care what anyone thinks of me and the things that I do or have done.  (Sometimes I care for a moment, then it fades away just as soon as that doubt showed up).  Only my opinion matters because I've been there since my conception and through all the ups and downs of my own journey.

3.  I am super duper confident in my daily choices and I allow myself to learn and falter as part of my journey.

4.  The most significant things about my year:

a)  meeting Paul Chek.  And for the first time since I became interested in health and fitness, I met someone who actually followed the advice he gave people, and who actually made sense and looked at the whole person, instead of just muscles and appearance.  Meeting Paul has changed my life in amazing ways.  He is not a hero or anything.  His legacy journey just happens to be one that can reach me and inspire me in ways that I need.  It's about finding an approach that works for you as an individual so you can be your best...In August, I attended a Q & A session here in TO.  For the first time in my life I heard someone answer questions I had had all my life in a way that just clicked and made sense and was true.  Like:  how come some people are born into difficult situations?  etc...  Rock on Paul.

b)  meeting my boyfriend.  For me it all happened unexpectedly at a moment when I wasn't thinking about dating because my energies were so focused on triathlon and leaving NYC.  I am blessed because I met someone pretty kool who I actually care about and doesn't bore me - in fact challenges me to grow.  My first internal response after meeting him was "wow-cool people like this actually exist?"  and" i thought i was the coolest person ever, how can someone be cooler?"!!!!!  anyway.  it was quite humbling.  Also I've been in a healthy place in my life for a while now and it's nice to be in a healthy relationship that's not about obsessive everysecondcalling, codependence and other obsessions.  I guess this relationship seems to be in line with where I am in terms of self love and wanting to share myself in healthy ways and learn from/with him.  Thanks handsome.  (hnk if you're reading this:))

c)  Going home to see my family.  After 8yrs.  I can't believe I actually made that decision to see them.  It was financially and emotionally a difficult decision to make.  I was heartsick to see them and I feel like I've seen them and now I need to focus on taking care of just me for a while.  I've given everything in being there for them for 8.5 years.  Emotionally and financially.  I've reached a place where I just need my life to be about me in North America.  Seeing them made me realize they were alive.  That's all I needed to see.  Now I must move on and focus soley on stabilizing my own life and in a few years I'll be even more of a solid rock for them and with them.

d)  Focusing on my journey.  Letting others take responsibility for their own issues.  Letting others make their own mistakes.  Unless someone is my client or seeking out my advice, allowing them to make their own health and wellness journey.  After all it's a journey, nobody has all the answers and one person's answers are different from those of the next person.

e)  Again letting go.  Focusing on me and what I need.  Always.

f)  Feeding the things that  make me happy and grow in healthy ways.  Being thankful for my blessings.

I'm disabling comments for this post.  Just coz this particular post is rather sacred to me and needs no judgement or encouragement.  It just is.  This is where I am now.  I embrace it.

See y'all on here in 2009!  I'm definitely back to blogging all the time now so check my blog!!!  Juicy posts coming along.  I don't have a journal so this space will be my journal.  Maybe you'll learn more things about me like - which South Park character I would like to meet...or the things that are running through my mind at 3am...also want to write down my dreams on here...

Namaste.

Today is boxing day!!!

Christmas was pretty cool.  

The best thing was spending many hours in the company of these awesome people.  They're really radical thinkers and they love each other and i twas amazing to be around.  At the end of the evening, we felt like best friends forever.  

I am blessed with knowing and meeting people that are amazing.  Every week I meet people who are so loving and beautiful.  I can only hope that I can share some light also.

I am the the process of choosing a three word resolution for 2009.  I know for sure that there are three things I want to put most of my energy into :

1. Looking after myself and making myself the priority in my life.    

2.  Practicing focus.  FollowOneCourseUntilSuccessful.

3.  Thinking positive thoughts

NYE I need to spend alone being artsy and doing the things I love.  Also some reflection time.  Yippee!  meanwhile, I must rest, rejuvenate and get ready from some six week focus programs which start tommorow:)